Friday 25th December 2015

10.45pm – I swear, my knees were giving birth

Had the night from hell last night. Woke at 2.30am, after having finally got to sleep at 1.30am once T had got back from her late shift in central, thinking surely it must be at least 5am because I feel super awake.

Then I noticed a dull ache in my knees which gradually worsened. I took two Solpadeine Max at about 3am but these didn’t hit the sides, so that by the time it got to 4.30am I was in excruciating pain.

The only way I could describe it is like my knees were giving birth. The pain was inside them, stabbing, searing away at the joints. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get relief. I tried to deal with it by myself, but eventually I had to ask T to get up with me – I couldn’t even sit and google my symptoms – I just rocked back and forth like a junkie.

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Sunday 20th December 2015

9.10pm – (hopefully not) jinxing it

I have had a cracking headache all day long but I’ve resisted the urge to ask for painkillers because I’ve been taking them for 10 days straight now, for one reason or another. Part of me worries I could have a painkiller headache (heard about these on Radio 4 the other day): apparently if you take them for long periods of time they can actually start to give you headaches. Brilliant.

Usually by this point in the day I have written in here by now. I think that some of the delay is to do with not wanting to jinx anything about tomorrow (especially being discharged) by writing about it, which is clearly insane. Also, I feel really mixed emotions about going home because while I would rather be at home (good food / sleep / company), I’m concerned that the bleeding hasn’t been dealt with. Just more question marks hanging over my future.

So if they tell me they can’t discharge me tomorrow I will be so frustrated, but I suppose an extra day won’t kill me. When would things start getting really desperate? Probably if I was still here on Christmas Eve! Oh god, I can’t think about that.

Poor old T seems to be getting ill at the moment and has also given herself food poisoning to boot. She’s been running around like crazy after me, work and family and not at all looking out for herself. I wish I was well enough so that I could look after her. Neither of us really appreciated how much we support each other until I ended up in hospital.